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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28807797">He Wanted This</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Paperback_Aesthetic/pseuds/Paperback_Aesthetic'>Paperback_Aesthetic</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Law &amp; Order: SVU</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Accidental Outing, Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Holmisi, Kidnapping, Kink Shaming, M/M, No Smut, Rough Sex, Sexual Abuse</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-04-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 10:21:31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Rape/Non-Con</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>8,230</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28807797</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Paperback_Aesthetic/pseuds/Paperback_Aesthetic</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>ADA Isaiah Holmes goes missing and its to the squad to find him and prosecute his kidnapper. (Dialogue heavy in the beginning but gets better)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Dominick "Sonny" Carisi Jr./Isaiah Holmes, Past original male character/Isaiah holmes</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>14</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Benson” </p><p>Just by looking at chief Garland she could tell that he had been waiting for her for a while. She quickly checked her watch to make sure that she hadn’t lost an hour and a quick glance around the squad room told her that she was the first one in. </p><p>“Chief what do I owe this pleasure so early in the morning” </p><p>“I thought business hours started at 8” Garland’s stony face turned, if possible, even stonier. </p><p>“Usually yes but after the last case ending with two dead children, I thought it would be best to let the squad take a late morning. Unless, of course, something happens” </p><p>“Well something happened...I think we best talk in private”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Quick note on title it is based off a viewpoint of a character and is not how I view rape culture. If any readers find this title triggering please comment/message me and I will change it. Thank you!!!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“This is an extremely important and special case. I just got the call this morning. Before I tell you anymore I need you to understand this case must not leave this squad” </p><p>“Ok I understand but I can’t help if you are going to be this vague about everything” </p><p>“You know ADA Isaiah Holmes right?” </p><p>“Yeah, Carisi worked with him on the Hernandez case. Is this about how they were able to get Carlos out? If so I don’t know anything about that”</p><p>“No, no it's not about that. I do know that Holmes did get off easy for that. No I’m here because he’s missing” </p><p>“Isaiah Holmes?” </p><p>“Yes” </p><p>“For how long” </p><p>“Since last night” </p><p>“How do we know he’s missing? He could have just spent the night with someone and accidentally slept in. It’s only 9 and today is saturday” </p><p>“Apparently Kean’s deputies were going to have a meeting early this morning with Isaiah to go over cases and his assistant became worried when he didn’t show by 7 and all his calls went straight to voicemail. When he went over to the apartment he found spilled wine in the bedroom and blood in the master’s bathroom. Forensics is still going over the apartment as we speak” </p><p>Benson sat back in her chair studying Garland, trying to find any information possible from trying to read him. As usual though his impassive demeanor gave nothing away.</p><p>“Isn’t he a Queens ADA? Won’t this fall under their jurisdiction?” </p><p>“His apartment is here in Manhattan, so whatever happened it happened here” </p><p>“And why us? Why SVU?” </p><p>This is the first time Garland seemed uncertain in their conversation. </p><p>“It’s because he’s gay isn’t”<br/>

“That’s um… that's part of it. The other part of it is that because of the wine glasses they strongly believe that there is a good chance this is sexual in nature. And you, and your squad, have the attention and trust of the higher ups. You have the discretion that they need, they don’t want it well known that the next DA of Queen’s is currently missing” </p><p>“Next DA?”</p><p>“It’s practically being handed to him with all that he handles now. So what do you say?” </p><p>“Of course I’m going to take it, we don’t choose our victims”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Benson spent the next hour going over the file that Garland left with her. It contained the barest bones of who Isaiah was. The most personal detail was that he was gay but that was it, no relationship listed, no close friends, literally nothing. Around 10 the rest of the squad rolled in. For a moment Liv just watched them. This past year has been different. With Kat being a new addition to the squad and because they lost Peter they also lost Sonny. It was quiet without him. She smiled to herself remembering how she heard that Peter practically begged with the DA for Sonny to take his post, it was nice to know someone had faith in Sonny. It wasn’t until Fin came in that She called them in the office. </p><p>“What’s up Cap’n” Kat asked as she quickly made herself comfortable.</p><p>“We have a case”</p><p>“Then why are we all crammed in here?” </p><p>“This is sent to us from the higher ups. They want to keep this within a limited circle. Earlier this morning possibly last night Queen’s ADA Isaiah Holmes went missing from his apartment <br/>in the upper east side. They believe this to be a sexually motivated crime.” </p><p>“Cause he’s gay?” </p><p>“They said forensics points to it and you can see for yourself, Kat when you and Fin go check out the apartment and Amanda and I will go interview his assistant, the one who reported. Remember for right now this needs to be handled discreetly” </p><p>Liv watched them leave to grab their coats, only Fin lingered behind. </p><p>“What are you thinking Liv” </p><p>“To be honest? I don’t know. I’m hoping that this is just a misunderstanding” </p><p>“You know where misunderstandings lead to in our line of work” </p><p>“Yeah I know”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Kat lingered by the windows, she had never seen the city from so high up before - it was beautiful. Sadly she had to force her focus away and back to the apartment. She couldn’t tell if forensics made a mess of the place or if this is the result of Holmes going missing. </p><p>“I thought that this was just supposed to be some spilled wine and a little blood” Fin called from the kitchen, broken glass littered the floor. </p><p>“I was just wondering the same thing. I’m gonna take the bedroom” Kat called back as jogged up the staircase. The bedroom was exactly what she would have pictured for a man like Holmes, huge with the classic black and white color scheme and a king bed in the middle of the room. Everything seemed to have a place, even forensics chaos couldn’t ruin the order the room seemed to command. Which is what made the red wine stain all that more jarring. The loud thuds of Fin coming up the stairs startled her out of her thoughts. </p><p>“Find anything?” he asked as he came into the room</p><p>“No, how was downstairs?” </p><p>“Just some broken wine bottles and tipped over stools” Fin headed to the bathroom as he spoke gesturing towards the stain as he moved past it “they took the glasses and what they could of the wine to test it. I think I’m in the wrong line of business” Curious Kat followed him in the bathroom. As expected the color scheme carried into it but what wasn’t was wall to wall sink counter and mirror. What definitely wasn’t expected was the jacuzzi tub next to the huge all glass shower “and the floors seem to be heated” Fin continued on gesturing to what looked like a temperature panel. Kat ignored him to inspect the puddle of blood by the sink - no drops surrounded it and there was no other blood found in the apartment. </p><p>“Hey Fin, what do you um what do you think of this guy?” </p><p>“Holmes? I mean I only briefly met him at the Hernandez release but he seemed fine. Had to be a nice guy to do something like that and put his job on the line. Also the fact that he is considered to be one of the best lawyers in the city and did a lot with LGBT+ foundations. Why? You know something I don’t?” suspicion colored his voice</p><p>“No” quickly Kat turned away from him and went back to pretending to study the blood “it just I don’t know, I meant him once and he just seemed cold and barely tolerated to be spoken to. I just don’t like how he’s upheld as this amazing queer hero paving the way for the rest of us” she could feel Fin’s eyes on her back as he watched her. </p><p>“Well we don’t get to choose our victim -” the shrill ring of his phone cut off whatever he was going to say next and turned away to listen to whoever was on the other line. </p><p>“OK...no we are striking out here too...nothing...we will probably just have to see what forensics comes up with...ok we will see you there” Fin sighed heavily as he put away his phone</p><p>“Liv?” </p><p>“Yeah they had the same luck as us. C’mon I said we will meet them back at the squadroom”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“What made you go over to his apartment?” Liv watched as Lewis Henderson answered trying to read him.</p><p>“We had that early meeting about um” Lewis stopped talking nervously glancing between Liv and Amanda </p><p>“About Keane, we know the situation” Liv assured him, she had filled Amanda in on the ride there </p><p>“Well Isaiah had a meeting with the deputies and we had arranged to meet at his office by 6:30 so I could help him make sure that he had everything that he needed and then I was gonna leave. But by 7 he still didn’t show, at first I just thought the trains were running late but he wasn’t answering his phone. He always answers. I got worried so I went to see if everything was ok. His door was open and when I went to his room I saw the spilled red wine and I just thought that you know he was with someone and they made a mess so they went somewhere else, you know? It wasn’t until I saw the blood in the bathroom and I called it in” </p><p>“Do you happen to know who he’s been seeing?” Amanda asked from her perch </p><p>“No, he’s very private about his personal life. I don’t really even know his friends” </p><p>“Can you tell us any of his friends?” Amanda pressed</p><p>“Um Langan, Trevor Langan. I only ever met him” </p><p>“That’s helpful” Liv reassured him and them decided to press her luck by asking “Can we take a look around his office”</p><p>“I’m sorry but no, not without a warrant. He’s a really high profile ADA with really high profile cases. I’m sorry”</p><p>“We understand, thank you. Please call if you are able to get in touch with him” Liv said as they got up handing him a card and followed Amanada out the door. </p><p>“I’m already calling Fin” Liv said as she got in the car.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Olivia looked at information spread out before her. Usually an investigation would require at least 3 bulletin boards, this one barely covered one. It didn’t help that they were forced to set up in one of the interrogation rooms, they still weren’t allowed to let this get out. They got the bare minimum from the scene, the most they got is that the blood was Isaiah’s and the wine was laced with ecstasy, and they still have no leads in his personal life. She tried to contact Trevor Lagan but he didn’t answer. She hoped that he would eventually return the call, so far he is the only lead that they have. It’s like he just completely disappeared. If there wasn’t a scene she would have just assumed he didn’t exist. She didn’t turn as she heard the door open, expecting it to be Finn. </p><p>“Did you manage to get a hold of anyone?” she asked with her back still turned attempting to put any of the pieces together. </p><p>“I didn’t know I was supposed to be contacting someone. I thought you were the one who contacted me” Carisi said as he closed the door behind him. Startling Liv quickly turned towards him. </p><p>“Sonny”   </p><p>Immediately Sonny’s attention was drawn to the snapshot pinned on the board “is that Isa...Holmes” </p><p>“Yeah that's actually what I wanted to talk to you about. Why don’t we sit down” she gestured to the seat across from her as she sat herself. He didn’t take his gaze off the board as he sat, eyes attempting to scan for any information. She could see fear and concern reflected in his eyes. She wondered where it came from. </p><p>“What happened” </p><p>“We are still trying to figure that out. This morning Garland came to me with this case. Apparently Isaiah went missing either last night or this morning. When Finn and Kat went to examine the scene other than a small pool of blood in the bathroom and broken wine bottle. We couldn’t get access to his office because we need a warrant, which is part of the reason that we called you but also because we literally can’t find anyone who is connected to him. We tried to call Trevor Lagan but he hasn’t answered or called back. I know that you two were friends” she paused letting what she said sink in “apparently this was specifically given to use by the higher ups because they want to keep this under wraps until it can’t be” </p><p>After a moment of silence, his eyes still on the board he said “no wonder we are in the integration room... but yes we're um friends and it's not surprising you can’t find anything about him, he is notoriously private about his life. I would talk to Trevor Lagan, yes, but also Peter and Mike Cutter. They are his closest friends” </p><p>“What about you? When’s the last time you were with him? Has any threats been made against him lately? Is he seeing anyone” With each question she could see Sonny get visibly stiller. </p><p>“He gets threats all the time, that just comes with being a high profile A.D.A but he didn’t mention anything particularly threatening” </p><p>“and relationships” Liv prompted, she could tell Sonny was holding back. </p><p>“Um kind of.. I think but like I don’t know if um” slowly he trailed off eyes straying back to the board. </p><p>“Anything you tell me doesn’t have to be shared, I can keep their name private” </p><p>“Ok um I think that me?” uncertainty colored his voice </p><p>“You're in a relationship with Isaiah? Sonny I...didn’t know that..” it was her turn to trail off, that explained the look in his eyes earlier and his inability to keep his eyes away from the photo. </p><p>“I’m bi, not a lot of people know. I think we are in a relationship? We haven’t really talked about it or like labeled it you know?” the blush that had steadily creeped up was now full force splashed across his face.</p><p>“Oh of course this can stay between the two of us. Thank you for telling me” Liv was doing everything in her power to keep this from becoming awkward “do you mind telling me when the last time you were with him was and I’m so sorry but could he have been expecting someone? The wine we found was laced with ecstasy” </p><p>Finally Sonny forced his eyes to meet hers “Like 2 days ago? He was caught up helping with Kean and left the office late both nights. I was supposed to see him tomorrow. I don’t think he was meeting with anyone. So we do think this is a sex crime now huh” Sonny paused for a moment considering something for a moment “I don’t care about people knowing that I’m bi but I don’t know if I should reveal my relationship yet. Like I said he’s very private about he is life and the people in it” </p><p>“That is no problem at all” Liv said jotting down the relevant information “so how long have you been you know talking” she asked attempting to break the ice. </p><p>A small breathless laugh escaped him “since like right after the Herandez case. Like um right after the case” </p><p>“That's 4 months? And you haven’t talked about what you are” Liv accidentally blurted out. </p><p>This time the laugh seemed more genuine before he answered “we kind of kept getting busy, y’know? I also didn’t want to push because it's been kind of hinted at that he doesn’t have the best romantic past. And with that I’m gonna go get the warrant” </p><p>Liv watched as he left. Isaiah and Sonny, she thought to herself, might just be a power couple.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>What little amusement that Sonny found with Liv vanished as he left the squad room with a small nod to Fin. Isaiah was gone. He didn’t know what was worse, a hookup gone bad or attacked out of the blue. Each option left him feeling nauseous. </p><p>It had to be an attack. Although they hadn’t talked about what they were, Isaiah was fiercely loyal and didn’t seem to be in a … with someone. Try as might Sonny couldn’t even say that they were in a relationship, not that he didn’t want it. Oh god he wished he could call Isaiah selfishly his, to claim him as his own. The only thing that that he knew about their 4 month whatever they decided to call it, is that he was falling fast, really fucking fast. </p><p>With each step toward his office he couldn’t help the doubt that crept back in threatening to overtake him. Maybe it was a hookup gone wrong. He knew before him, Isaiah was just hooking up for years before him. The few details that he could gleam Isaiah’s past relationships were that they ended horribly and they were few and far between. </p><p>Did I not give him what he truly desired? With that new thought Sonny stopped walking in fear that the nausea would overtake him. He knew that Isaiah was into some pretty rough sex. And he wasn’t? He didn’t really know what if he himself was into, sometimes when he did the research he would become interested but he never acted on it or tried it in fear that he would do something wrong or his inexperience would turn Isaiah off. But Isaiah said it was fine, said as long as they were together he didn’t care. He wouldn’t have lied would he? </p><p>No. Sonny closed his eyes and steeled his mind against the doubts. Isaiah wasn’t like that he didn’t lie to people that he cared about and he didn’t hook up while being in something close to a relationship with someone. But that meant this was a random attack and that was not any better.</p><p>When he opened his eyes, Sonny was able to take in surroundings and he couldn’t stop the laugh that slipped out. He was right outside the District Attorney’s office but he was at the side of the building where a lonely bench sat. The same bench that he and Isaiah sat at eating a slice of pizza the first week they started the entanglement. It was a surprise that<br/>
he had shown up, pizza in hand. The same bench that Isaiah missed a meeting at because he was so caught up in listening to Sonny ramble about whatever it was at the time. The same bench they somehow also end up at when Isaiah comes for midday work breaks. </p><p>No Isaiah wouldn’t cheat, Sonny told himself that one last time before he entered the building prepared for the long battle of attempting to get a warrant to search a high profile ADA in another district without being able to explain why.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter 8</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The phone call startled her out of her contemplation. Quickly she glanced at the phone and felt her first sense of hope about the case when she saw Trevor Lagan flash across the screen. Quickly she answered before she could lose him again. </p><p>“Olivia Benson”  </p><p>“Liv, I'm so sorry I missed your phone call today's stock full of meetings. Is everything okay with Noah?” </p><p>“No nothing like that. I was actually hoping to talk to you about Isaiah Holmes” She heard the other side get quieter and eventually the sound of the door shutting before he spoke again. </p><p>“Has something happened” </p><p>“I can’t really talk about it over the phone” </p><p>“I’m gonna take that as a yes” </p><p>“It’s really important” Liv hesitated before continuing “would you be able to get in touch with Peter Stone or Mike Cutter” she knew she could just call them but she didn’t want to waste a whole day waiting for them to get back to her. </p><p>“Yeah if possible we can meet at 7? Just bring Fin though” </p><p>“Sounds good” Liv hung up the phone after writing the address that Lagan rattled off. Finally she was getting somewhere but she couldn’t help but be suspicious with why they would only want her and Fin. She shrugged it off as she texted Fin to be ready. Glancing at the clock she had an hour and a half to further look into the case and bring as much info as possible. Lawyers and their questions.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Chapter 9</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Liv and Fin pulled up the address 2 minutes before 7, both occupants looking at the brownstone they pulled up. </p><p>“I am definitely in the wrong line of work? First Holmes’s penthouse, now this? I think Sonny was on to something with the whole Law School thing” Fin stated in awe. </p><p>“You a lawyer? I paid to see that” Liv stated getting out of the car and shutting the door before Fin could retort. There was something off about this meeting, she felt like she was gonna be given more news that she would have to shoulder. When they got to the door she was surprised to be greeted by Peter in casual wear, for some reason she never pictured him owning, let alone wearing, sweatpants and being barefoot. </p><p>“Liv, Fin” Peter greeted them each with a hug “It's been a while. I wish this was under better circumstances” </p><p>“I know. Lagan told you why we’re here?” Liv asked, handing Peter her coat. </p><p>“Yeah everything he knows, which was barely anything. Just that something happened Isaiah. Come Trev and Mike are in the kitchen” As Peter led them through the house, Liv and Fin couldn’t help but take notice of everything from the simple neutral color palette, the forgotten jacket to an armani suit with louboutin next to it, the rolex on the hallway mantle, and the living room looked like it was out of a magazine spread. Everything was expensive but there was taste. It was a quiet luxury as if whoever owned the house had money but didn’t feel the need to prove it to everybody. They couldn’t help but wonder who owned this house. The thing that really caught their eye was on the way in the kitchen was a board of pictures featuring Mike, Trevor, Peter, and Isaiah going back to when they were obviously a lot younger. Some of them just showcased Isaiah and Sonny together, scenes of the two of them captured in this house. Fin shot her a questioning glance but she signaled that she would explain later. In the kitchen Mike and Trevor were in similar states of casual wear, Mike in sweats with a simple black shirt and Trevor in jeans wearing a faded Harvard sweatshirt.</p><p>“What happened to Isaiah” Trevor blurted out before they could even say hi. </p><p>“Your manners are amazing” Mike cut in. </p><p>“To be honest I don’t give a flying fuck about manners. I just want to know what happened to Isaiah” Trevor shot back but the last part was delivered towards the two detectives. </p><p>“We believe that he has gone missing” Liv cut in “either last night or early this morning. When he didn’t show for a meeting prep his assistant went to check on him. He found spilled wine in the bedroom, blood in the bathroom, and no sign of Isaiah. No one has been able to get in contact with him” </p><p>“Are you sure he isn’t with” Peter elbowed Mike in the side cutting off the rest of the sentence, glaring at him. </p><p>“We know about him and Sonny. And no he hasn’t seen him either” Fin countered. Quickly Liv glanced at him wandering when he came to the conclusion “so far we know nothing about him. We get that he’s an extremely private person but you guys may be able to help us figure who took him” Fin finished. The three of them stared at each other seeming to be having a battle among themselves. Eventually Peter turned back to them. </p><p>“What do you need to know”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Chapter 10</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>I took some liberties with the characters backgrounds and relationships</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Anything that you can possibly tell us,” Liv said as she and Fin settled into the stools that Mike pulled out for them “let's start with your relationships with him”</p><p>“I’ve always known. He lived down the street from since the day I was born and we have been best friends since” Peter started “Hell we even went to the same college for undergrad and that's where we met Mike” </p><p>“And I met them when I started dating Peter when he was 18” Trevor delivered this with his hand on Peter’s back and steel in his eyes as if he was daring them to say anything, while Peter looked on anxiously. </p><p>“We’re out be like not at work? It's just that we don’t want any threats we get to involve the other person, y’know?” Peter rushed to say his anxiety clear in his voice. Trevor continued to stare them down. </p><p>“Ok, that information doesn’t have to leave this room” Liv said and Fin nodded along “What about Isaiah’s past relationships? Sonny said that they might not have been the best?” </p><p>“Isaiah doesn’t really have a lot of past relationships, he prefers to hook up with people. He’s into…” Peter briefly hesitated before continuing “he’s into rough sex and stuff like that. Which makes for better hook ups. Sometimes people forget to leave the roughness in the bed and they take it into the relationship” </p><p>“He’s been in abusive relationships before” Fin gently pushed.</p><p>“Only one that we know of, he last one before Sonny and that was what five years ago. Since then he just hooks up with the same people. Or he used to before he met Sonny” Mike said. </p><p>“How bad was the relationship” </p><p>“Not the worst. According to Isaiah it mostly just rough grabs and him being a jerk. The only time that the guy ever really hit Isaiah was when Isaiah was working late and he forgot about dinner plans. The guy showed up and tried to get Isaiah to leave with him, Isaiah wouldn’t go and ended up getting punched in the face for it. Isaiah broke up with him that moment and as far as we know they never saw each other again. There were only 3 other relationships other than that, none of them abusive. The first one ended because Isaiah got bored, the second because they felt that Isaiah didn’t care enough and cheated on him, and the third they just wanted different things” Trevor answered. </p><p>Liv hesitated before asking her next question because she feared about what the answer could mean for Sonny “Sonny said that they never got around to defining their relationship could Isaiah have called someone over and this is possibly just rough sex gone wrong?” </p><p>“God no, Isaiah is fiercely loyal. He doesn’t fuck around with people that he cares about” Peter said </p><p>“And he really cares about Sonny, we all do” Trevor piqued in. </p><p>“You mentioned he had a pretty regular hook up. Do you know who it is?” Fin asked </p><p>“Yeah, some guy named Luke Farland. Apparently he’s a boxer” Mike said. </p><p>“Thank you for all your help. We are going to find him, I promise you that. We have to keep this investigation quiet but I will do everything in my power to make sure that information that you shared doesn’t get out. </p><p>“Thank you let me walk you out” Peter said as he led them back to the front door and gave them back their jackets. </p><p>“Thank you. I’m glad you're happy” Liv whispered to him as hugged him goodbye. </p><p>“Please find him” Peter told them as he shut the door.</p><p>The walk back to the car was heavy with silence until they got into the car.</p><p>“It’s Trevor and Peter’s place,” Fin said in the silence. </p><p>That startled a laugh out of Liv “What” </p><p>“The place belongs to them. I saw what I now know as their wedding photo on the mantle. Now I know that I don't have to be a lawyer but marry one. You knew about Isaiah and Sonny?” </p><p>“Yeah, it came out when he visited earlier” </p><p>“I get it, I’m not going to say anything to nobody”</p><p>“Thanks Fin”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Chapter 11</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Trigger Warning: Rape</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Everything was so dark. He didn’t know if there was any light beyond the blindfold. He doubted it, the darkness was all consuming. He couldn’t put much effort into thinking. Whatever they slipped him every time that they forced a kiss onto him, made it impossible to think. All he wanted to do was close his eyes and. Let. Go.  </p><p>He couldn’t though, he had to figure out how to get away. He didn’t want to feel those rough hands on his back forcing him onto his stomach. Forcing his arms to lock together on his back. All he could feel was the callouses as they locked the collar around his neck. He didn’t want to feel those teeth scraping against his neck, his back, his stomach, his hips. <br/>The smallest mercy that he had was that they didn’t take his pants off. It seemed like they were taking their time with him, playing with him. </p><p>Everything hurt so much. All he wanted was Sonny. Sonny who would never touch him like. Sonny who looked at him as if he was the only person in the world. Sonny who held him so gently. </p><p>When Isaiah heard the scrape open, he gave into the drug. He let it take him so far away from the room. He fell down into the darkness, this one was welcome. He allowed thoughts of Sonny’s gentleness to cushion his descent.</p>
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<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Chapter 12</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was hard for Liv to walk back into the squad room the next morning. Even harder to go to the interrogation room set up with the investigation. There was so much more weighing on this investigation. She really had a close personal relationship to the people that surround the victim. All she wants to do is be able to reassure them that everything was gonna be okay, but she couldn’t do that. They still have no leads. </p><p>Looking over the board, her gaze kept getting caught on Luke’s name. Originally she decided she was going to send Finn and Kat but Liv thinks it would be better if she were to go with Kat. See if she's gotten better - less rash - and get a better understanding of her feelings towards Isaiah that Finn was telling her about. With that Liv made up her mind and went to grab Kat before they left. </p><p>--- </p><p>The silence between the two of them was thick. Kat seemed confused as to why she was going with Liv, it didn’t help the knowing look that Finn threw there way. It was halfway to the gym that Luke trained at before Kat broke the silence.</p><p>“Do you not trust me” the question seemed to suck the air out of the car.</p><p>“No, it's just that I haven’t been with you to interview someone in awhile. It’s my job as your captain to see your progress” </p><p>“I’m sure that's all it is” Kat rolled her eyes as she turned away</p><p>Liv sighed “It’s just that sometimes your brash and in interviews like this, things can go down hill very fast. Since Isaiah is very private the people in his life might be the same in respect and you need to be gentle talking to them. and…” Liv paused her continuing, not even sure that she wants to broach this talk “Finn let slip that you had some pretty hard feelings towards Isaiah” </p><p>“It’s not like I hate the guy” </p><p>“I never said that” </p><p>“It’s just that he’s held up as this pillar of accomplishment for LQBT community. That if we work real hard then we might be able to be just like him. He’s not what they say he is. He’s cold and can barely pretend to care about what you're talking about. He acts like everything is simply an obstacle between him and the door” Kat’s announcement sat heavy between. It took a moment before Liv responded.</p><p>“Wow all of this from one meeting with him? I think you might have just caught him on a bad day”</p><p>“You can learn a lot about someone in one meeting” </p><p>When Liv spoke next there was frost in her voice “I get it, you aren’t friends but we don’t choose our victims. Don’t let this attitude affect this case. Isaiah has a lot of powerful friends” and with that they pulled up to the gym. Liv barely parked before Kat was out and stomping to the front.</p>
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<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Chapter 13</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Hi, we are here to see Luke Farland, please,” Liv told the front desk person, as they quickly flashed their badges. </p><p>“Of course. Just give me a second” the young man said before jogging up to a man who could only be described as a giant. He was 6’5, with reddish gold hair in a taper fade, a neat goatee, arms covered in tattoos that disappeared into his shirt, a cold deamore and broad shoulders. The young man gestured quickly back at them before the giant simply nodded and the young man came back. </p><p>“He said to come over” </p><p>“Ok thank you for your help” Kat said as she passed him. He simply nodded before going back to work. </p><p>When they reached him Liv found it surprising that she found him cold from afar. Up close he greeted them with a warm smile that lit up his eyes. </p><p>“Damn I didn’t think cops actually track down those who jumped the turnstile” Luke said with a laugh. </p><p>“This is about Isaiah Holmes” there was a hardness in Kat’s voice. At that all humor left his face and he gestured for them to follow him to the back of the gym.</p><p>“What about him” </p><p>“Either Friday night or Saturday morning he was attacked and he disappeared. We are trying to locate him but we don’t have many leads. We know that you were a pretty regular hook up of his” Everytime that Liv had to admit that they had no leads exhausted her. </p><p>“Yeah but I haven’t done anything with him for months. He’s in a relationship now” </p><p>“We know that. But why you? Why did he keep coming back to you” Kats blunt question got there faster than what Liv planned on saying.</p><p>“You know he’s into rough stuff right?” Luke waited for their confirmation before continuing “we both like the same things and we both made it clear that we didn’t want a relationship. I know it's hard to believe that after 6 years there were no feelings but there wasn’t. To both of us it was just sex. A way to get what most of our partners couldn’t or wouldn’t give to us. We were each other's release on hard days” as if he could see the next question that Kat was going to ask he barreled on “and no, we were never with each other when one of us had a partner. Isaiah would never.” </p><p>“So it was what? BDSM?” Kat continued her blunt line of questioning.</p><p>“No. He was never into that. He hated the idea being completely at someone's mercy like that. He just wanted something rough. Like choking, marking up, scratching, biting, and hitting. It sounds similar but it was nowhere near as sophisticated as BDSM play” </p><p>“Do you know who might have want to hurt him” Liv cut in before Kat could say anything </p><p>“Honestly I would look at his exes. There was that one guy who hit him pretty hard. He had a bruise for 2 weeks, it kind of fucked him up for awhile, he didn’t allow me to hit for a month or so”</p><p>“Do you know any of their names?” Liv pressed.</p><p>“No sorry, that always felt weird to talk about between us” </p><p>“Ok thank you for your time” Liv said as she pulled Kat away. Luke watched them with a worried expression as they left. </p><p>On the way to the car, Liv sent a text to Trevor asking for the names of his exes. Once they pulled away from the gym Liv signed and addressed Kat. </p><p>“I thought I told you couldn’t be brash”</p><p>“We can’t treat everyone like their glass because he has powerful friends” With Kat turned away, effectively stopping any conversation. The ride back felt long but worth it when Liv saw that Trevor sent over the names and the reason for the relationship to end. </p><p>James Oliver (Doctor at Bellevue) - they wanted different things </p><p>Hugh Swanson (Accountant) - Hit Isaiah </p><p>Richard Lang (Contract Lawyer) - Isaiah got bored</p>
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<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Chapter 14</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>As soon as Liv got the names she sent to the detectives to go talk to them. Her and Fin went to Hugh Swanson while Kat and Amanda went to see James Oliver. </p><p>----- </p><p>As soon as they entered Swanson’s office Liv got a bad feeling about Hugh. Something just seemed off with him. </p><p>“What can I do for the city's finest?” He greeted with overly false cheer in his voice. </p><p>“We just have some quick questions pertaining to Isaiah Holmes” Liv said as she and Fin settled down across from Hugh. She watched carefully as his smile faltered for a moment. </p><p>“Oh gosh I haven’t seen him in…” He trailed off as if trying to play it off, as if they had simply grown apart. </p><p>“Five years we know and we know how it ended” Fin cut in. Almost instantly Hugh’s fake smile was gone. </p><p>“Is he trying to report me now? I said I was sorry, I was a different person back then. He said it was fine. Why now? What's he getting out of it?” Hugh was practically spitting at them. </p><p>Holding up her hand in a placating gesture, Liv said “No. He’s actually gone missing. We are just looking at everyone now. You said you apologized? According to his friends you haven't had any contact with him sense that night when he ended things” </p><p>“His friends? You mean Peter, Trevor, and Mike? They were always sticking their noses into our business. After I...after I hit him I realized I was out of control so I went into therapy. Six months later I went to him to apologize, he said it was fine but to never contact him again. I haven’t seen him sense” With that Liv and Fin took their leave and hurried to catch Richard Lang before he left his office. </p><p>---------</p><p>With James Oliver it was much easier to confirm his alibi. He was all too happy to show the photos he took of his husband and kids at the street market to Kat and Amanda. He was almost fond in the way that he spoke about Isaiah. According to him, he wanted a family and Isaiah didn't; it was as simple as that. They tried to stay in touch but it just became harder with the family and they haven’t spoken in almost 3 years. </p><p>--------</p><p>Richard Lang seemed almost offended that they would want to speak to him. </p><p>“I haven’t seen Isaiah since we broke up right after college” He said as soon as Fin explained the situation. </p><p>“Are you sure?” Liv pressed. </p><p>“I mean would you want to stay in contact with the guy who dumped you because according to him you were ‘boring’ and ‘a drag’ and a ‘waste of time’ and my personal favorite ‘it's not like I could give him anything satisfying in bed’. So no I haven’t kept in touch” noticing their shocked expressions he continued “he’s not as nice as he pretends to be” </p><p>After a couple more questions that led them absolutely nowhere they decided to call it day and head back to the precinct to meet Kat and Amanda.</p>
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<a name="section0015"><h2>15. Chapter 15</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Walking back into the squadroom it was hard for Liv to not feel beaten down, it was the third day since Isaiah has been gone and they have absolutely no leads. The feeling became even stronger when she saw Sonny waiting for them. As soon as he saw them he leapt to his feet where he had been sitting on Amanda’s desk. </p><p>“Anything?” Liv couldn’t do anything but shake her head. Quickly Fin filled them.</p><p>“According to Hugh Swanson he hasn’t seen Isaiah since he last apologized after he hit him and with Richard Lang there seems to be a lot of tension but according to him Isaiah wasn’t exactly nice to him when they broke up” </p><p>“What do you mean he wasn’t the nicest?” Kat questioned. Fin hesitated a moment, quickly glancing at Sonny before answering.</p><p>“Well according to Richard, Isaiah called him boring, a waste of time, and why would he stay if Richard couldn’t satisfy him in bed” shock resonated on everyone’s face  with Fin’s answer. Sonny looked like he was ready to pass out. </p><p>“Are you sure he said that? That doesn’t really seem like Isaiah” Sonny croaked out</p><p>Before Liv or Fin could reply, Kat turned her glare sharply towards Sonny and said “how would you know? I hear that he’s your friend but you can’t possibly know everything about him. Why does it even matter, you upset because the perfect facade of hero gay ADA was shattered”</p><p>Silence encased all the members of the squad before Sonny whispered “I’m dating him” </p><p>“What” Kat practically spat at him </p><p>“Me and Isaiah are dating” this time Sony said it with more force staring Kat directly in the eye.</p><p>“Your gay?” Kat and Amanda said at the same </p><p>“Bi” Sonny answered voice flat</p><p>Quickly Liv jumped in before any of this could get out of hand “Did you manage to get the warrant” this seemed to pull Sonny’s attention back to her</p><p>“Yeah” he said handing her the warrant </p><p>“Okay, Fin Amanda and Kat go check out the office and Sonny come with me to my office” Liv said before turning and heading to her office knowing that Sonny would follow and Fin would get Amanda and Kat out the door.</p>
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<a name="section0016"><h2>16. Chapter 16</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Liv locked the door behind Sonny and followed him to the couch. The silence between them was heavy. Liv felt lost she never had to deal with a silent Sonny before. </p><p>“I’m so so sorry that you had to come out like that. Are you okay? I kind of looked like you were gonna pass out back there” Liv didn’t expect Sonny to answer, he seemed too busy trying to stare through the opposite wall. </p><p>“It was gonna come out eventually, I might as well be the one to say. I just don’t…” Sonny paused as if he was trying to figure something out “I just don’t understand Kat’s hatred for lawyers. First, me. Now Isaiah?” </p><p>“Well to be honest it seems like Kat has a personal problem with Isaiah, like she doesn’t like that he is upheld as some kind of hero. She seems to latch on to anything that shows him in a bad light”</p><p>“But why” </p><p>“I don’t know” Liv paused for a second a little nervously for what she was about to bringup “It's not just about Kat though is it? I noticed you got really pale when Fin mentioned the part about Richard saying he couldn’t satisfy Isaiah in bed. I know this is a sensitive topic but it could be helpful to the investigation. There is nothing that I haven't heart. Have you in Isaiah been having problems in the bedroom” at the direct question Sonny flush so red so fast, Liv worried he would overheat.</p><p>“I don’t um oh um I don’t” after a moment of listening to Sonny flounder for a moment she cut him off. </p><p>“It’s ok. Nothing you say has to leave this room, only I have to know this” for a second Liv was sure Sonny wasn’t gonna answer and just leave but after a moment he took a deep breath and began. </p><p>“It’s not exactly problems. It’s just that...sorry I just feel weird talking about this because of how private Isaiah is...it's just that you know how Isaiah is into rough stuff? Well I think I’m into it but I have no experience with it so we haven’t done anything in bed like that. He said he could teach me and that it was okay that I didn’t know what I was doing but I’m worried that it’ll be a turn off. It’s not like we don’t have sex we do but I’m afraid I can’t satisfy him because we don’t do that and um y’know” everyword was thrown out in a rush and Sonny gotten even redder somehow with each passing second</p><p>“And your worried that he’ll break up with you and say the same things to you that he said to Richard” Liv finished for him </p><p>“Yeah. I know Isaiah isn’t perfect and sometimes he's mean, not to me but I’ve seen it, but I don’t think he’s cruel like that” </p><p>They sat in silence for a moment neither knowing what to say next. Liv felt that she had to offer some comfort.</p><p>“It’s gonna be okay. We will find him” Sonny just nodded in acknowledgement but otherwise stayed silent.</p>
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<a name="section0017"><h2>17. Chapter 17</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“How are we supposed to know what is important?” Amanda asked, surveying the piles and piles of files and loose papers. </p><p>“Try to focus on the newer cases and look to see if you can find any threats” Fin answered from his perch at Isaiah’s desk. </p><p>“I thought he tossed all the threats he got? That's what his assistant said” Kat said from the couch as she shifted through some casebooks. </p><p>“He might have accidentally kept one, like he put it down and forgot about it or something” Fin replied</p><p>Kat couldn’t help but glance around. Everywhere she looked was piles of files. Bookshelves lined the wall crammed full of case law books and classics, she spied a couple of books on Voltaire in there, and on the floor was even more piles of books. She felt claustrophobic. Kat just didn’t understand why someone would want to spend hours reading and taking notes, the idea of being stuck behind a desk all day seemed soulsucking. No wonder all lawyers are assholes, she thought to herself. The three of them worked in silence. Kat didn’t realize how much time had passed until Fin had to switch on the overhead lights because somehow without her noticing the sun slipped away and the moon was high in the sky. The silence was only broken when Amanda accidentally knocked over a pile of files and Fin went over to help her pick them up. </p><p> </p><p>“I’m sorry” Amanda apologized as she and Fin picked up the files, scanning through them before putting them back. </p><p>“You good” Fin questioned “You seemed distracted since we left the squad room” </p><p>“Yeah, it's just Sonny never told me about him being bi or his relationship. I thought we were close”  betrayal colored her voice.  </p><p>“Amanda, coming out is a really personal thing. Hell I didn’t even know about my son being gay for years after everyone else knew. You can’t be mad at someone for not being ready to come out” Fin emphasized.</p><p>“I know but I just never expected it would be someone like Isaiah Holmes” Amanda muttered to herself. </p><p>That caught Kat’s attention “what do you mean by that”</p><p>“Just that he seems so professional, I couldn’t imagine him being fun and goofy like Sonny. And after Lang’s recount of Isaiah, I just don’t think that they would be a good fit” </p><p>Amanda shrugged as she continued to put the files back. </p><p>“See I’ve always known Isaiah was mean, I just never expected him to be cruel. The idea of being in a relationship with someone like that…” Kat trailed off with a shudder. </p><p>Fin frowned listening “I honestly don’t think that we know Isaiah enough to judge him. I trust Sonny’s judgment enough to give the guy a chance. Besides..” whatever he was going to say never was cut off when a scrap of paper caught between two folders caught his attention. </p><p>“What is it” Amanda said peering over his shoulder</p><p>“A note...I don’t know from who though..it just says ‘saw Richard L today smelled like pure vodka’” Fin read aloud. </p><p>“Richard L? Could that be Richard Lang” Kat asked. </p><p>“I think so let's get this back to Liv” Fin said </p><p>“Yeah come on it's almost..” Amanda paused to check the time “shit its almost 11, I gotta relieve the babysitter. Would it be okay if I headed straight home?” </p><p>“Yeah we got you” Fin answered as they headed to their cars</p><p>“Call me if there are new developments,” Amanda said as she drove off.</p>
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<a name="section0018"><h2>18. Chapter 18</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Liv was staring at the wall trying to come up with anything that could be used as lead when she got the phone call. Looking at the name flashing across the screen and the time caused to momentarily freeze up with anxiety and hope. </p><p>“Peter?” Liv questioned into the phone when she finally answered</p><p>“Liv” Peter breathed “we have him..we have Isaiah” Peter sounded on the verge of a breakdown. </p><p>“Is he ok” Liv questioned, almost afraid to know.</p><p>“I don’t know...maybe. We have brought him to the hospital, Bellevue. I’ll try to explain when you get here” With that Peter hung up and Liv was moving at the door.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I'm so sorry this is so short and I haven't updated in a while finals are killing me but I should have a longer chapter coming up soon!</p>
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